love

for no good reason, it was hard to get out of bed this morning. but then I go through the morning routine- tea, lots of cream and sugar, a snoopje (dutch for cookie), the news, answering emails... last night a young man wrote me from Texas- I've received a few wonderfully warm and appreciative letters in response to the sof interview, and it is so sweet to hear from you, thank you! This one in particular moved me in return. ... .. . I just read it, and the words around my feeling are still forming.... it sounds like he grows food also, but mostly, creates a space in which he can share it with others, as a service, perhaps a devotion. and that is a beautiful thing in itself, but what moved me was the evidence of his struggle and that he can reach out to me, I can write him back, and we are not alone in this world. There are plenty of tangible and intangible obstacles to activating a our visions but certainly the burden of solitude must be one of the most difficult to bear.

For me, it is, anyway. Not to get all woe is me, I'm doing everything alone- I've had amazing teachers and wonderful friends, but I guess I'm just one of those restless messes out there who happen to have received a brush of loving contact just when I needed it. after two years of building and learning this kiln, with two firings that were less than sucessful (yes, this is normal for new kilns, and mine is particularly wacked-out), I often feel like I'm falling out of touch with my abilty to actually get the work out there into the world- my website is full of three-year old pots and there is no guarantee that the next firing will produce anything saleable either. what am I? just a dreamer? why am I still measuring my success on having an income? To me, this feels like trying to break into the Institution by bashing my head on the front door. no wonder it hurts. god damn it hurts! But that's what I'm saying in the interview, and what this man in Texas is writing as well, if I can just shift my thinking and valuing to a kind of faith in my value on the juju-meter, I can relax into the beautiful but laborious work that I do. it's the intangible nature of this form of sustenance that trips me up, and that's why a tangible little love note every once in a while goes a long long way. thank you, dear. that I am wind in your sails is wonderful. but without your sails, I am nothing but air moving around.

may 17, SOF on air!

we paused for rain, and then completed the other bourry-box.


and I punched a hole in my attic
and this is the fig tree so far. two green hands escaped from the top of a stick, gulping light.

and!! so much for me shooting my mouth off: Speaking of Faith did a killer job editing my interview, and it seems that the long wait was because they put together this great map.
so I think my interview will be aired this evening at seven, around here. (there is a station listing on the site for other places) I somehow managed to schedule a date for that time- I think it's going to be a fancy barefoot pickanic, just like I'd described. here's the podcast.

much love!

holding pattern

........sigh...... postponing the firing. a sigh of sadness and relief. I have no particuar deadline, so the date was an arbitrary goal. but a few on the crew were stressing out, and I could use a little more time too. the great thing is that this way, we're sure to have lots of ware to fire when my friend Dianne comes to town in july. She's a potter too, and I really wanted to fire with her but was feeling quite iffy about being able to fill the kiln again by that time, since I will also be participating in a woodfiring with Richard at Mount Hood college in June.... much going on...
so I can now reclaim the areas of my studio that have been appropriated by piles of tools, dusty towels over clay trimmings, and unpaid bills. and I can reclaim my hair, which has gradually looped itself into something that looks like it should be attached to a yak. A friend at grad school observed of another that a good indicator of the lad's state of mind was the condition of his hair, often helter-skelter. I feel it. In my case, I admit to being baffled that SOF didn't ever air my interview. in fact, they stopped the program altogether. they used to broadcast an interview a week, and they have simply stopped. and the parent program is doing reruns. it's like they can't find any moral people anymore- so strange. and of course I took it personally, while telling myself not to. I know that I write some non-standard things on this blog. and I am lothe to whining but I also try to be honest about myself. is it possible that I do not fit their definition of moral? and if so, what is that definition?
simultaneously, I read an article about a young adventurer, David de Rothchild, who is building a catamaran entirely out of recyclable plastics, including hundreds of litre bottles. he is going to sail across the pacific to disappearing islands and through a portion of the eastern garbage patch to raise awareness of this largely unseen GIANT PROBLEM. density in portions of the area show that plastics outweigh zooplankton seven to one. jesus christ. the ocean is a particularly delicate ecosystem, and zooplankton is the basic food unit of the whole chain. they are also highly effected by water temperature and salinity.we all know about el nino and la nina, bringing destructive weather to the land-masses- those cycles are created by abnormalities of ocean currents which are the generators of weather. this is what Al Gore keeps talking about. well, so is David. check out his website, and look for the link to the Plastiki, the name of this vessel, in a nod to Thor Heyerdal. he's really focussed on bringing the messages of his adventures to young people, sometimes through gaming of, say, a world in flood. trying to find creative positive messaging, not as much of the doom and gloom, guilt-ridden kind of messaging. more, I have much respect for his integrated thinking- trying to illustrate to corporations, governments, individuals all that new modes of operandi are possible and lucrative, in addition to responsible and necessary. someday I hope he meets Van Jones, who founded greenforall.org, bringing in a cultural revolution. oh, and carrotmob, another really fun way to affect change.
well, I wrote David de Plastiki a letter asking if I could sail with him. the voyage is close to my heart, and I am comfortable aboard ship. he seems to be interested in involving artists in his multi-faceted communication style, so maybe, maybe I could have something to contribute. and I promptly started having daydreams about what I would do beyond write. a few threads involved ceramics, and one distinctly did not. it would be pretty far outside my comfort zone, but I would consider, if he would think it effective, being filmed as a mermaid in amongst all this floating junk. horrified, pulling it out of my hair unsuccessfully. getting tangled in it, like so many turtles and birds do. dying in it, essentially. I think I could pull it off pretty well, even logistically- it would be frightening, but I am pretty comfortable underwater... but my hair.. my hair might not make it. how attached am it to my hair? pretty damn attached. in a buddhist sort of sense- I have a lot of Self invested in my hair at this point. so what would it be like to be a freaked out mermaid getting tangled in an ocean of junk? that video footage would have to be put to good use. well, it's all a daydream. if he ever got my letter, he's been way too busy to respond but in the meantime, I practiced non-attachment to my hair, and have let it snarl so badly that I'm not sure I can ever brush it again. we'll find out today, since the weather is fine and a postponed firing means that I can reeeeelaaaax.