It is 10 pm on another luscious summer evening, and my friend's birthday. I am not downtown carousing with him and the wily company that he keeps because- I'm being good.. I'm trying, still, to get on my own two feet when it comes to money- why does this matter to me?
even if I were capable of finding a well-paying job in this town doing something I don't love, I'd have a hard time accepting it. so I took a poorly paying job doing something I don't really love.
But it's an important job, for me and for others. It serves the growth of a small arts organization that I believe in, one that has at its core the generosity of spirit that comes with opening a facet of one's intimate creative life in order to educate and facilitate excitement in others. that's huge. it's the mundanety of working with this ether-box that I find so draining. oh, sure, I'm writing sometimes, I'm researching interesting people sometimes, but really, it's an office job. it's not a shitty office job and it's not a jailhouse 9 to 5, but I stare at this plastic screen for hours and days on end, organizing. when I reach a stopping point, the last thing I want to do is work on my website
the time-suck PDXOS job is balanced nicely by teaching a single-credit workshop at a community college once a term. I did the math. I make about twenty-five times as much teaching as I do for Portland Open Studios. Between these two situations plus maybe some income from Art in the Pearl, if I weren't paying a premium for health insurance, I might be able to be independent this year. But I have no time to make pots. But I wouldn't be able to continue the home improvements. and no motorcycle. and no crazy vacations in South Africa for a month. even if it is on Pop's dime- its too much time away from the studio. In short, I am, as usual, straddling, uncomfortably, my ability to access someone else's money, and my privilege- guilt driven desire to be just me. On my own "merit"? someone I love dearly says he wants to "make something of his life" beyond the lucrative but lonely career in which he finds himself. He wants to make a family. I want to make "a living". what an absurd name for the acquisition of money- a living? that's not living. that's making money. I don't want to "make" money- what a waste of time- I want to make pots. which is more useful? you tell me! which, I ask you, is more conducive to living the good life? bah! (and no, I don't want to make babies, though I hope my friend does someday..)
in other news, we had a great firing, number six. the first time that I've felt confident enough about the result to charge for space in the kiln. Mostly Richard's work, but I finally worked the glitches out of an easily reproducible oval plate. and a brand new design for an flared bowl! very very exciting.. someday soon, the website will be up, with images.. I actually have a deadline now, because it's printed in 3500 tour guides for Portland Open Studios, which will be available to the public on July 23rd. eek!
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